Letter to the Big Guy with the Beard

Dear Santa:

 How goes it at the North Pole?  How is the Mrs.?  Are the elves treating you right?  Just which one is on reindeer poop duty this year?  (I'm betting on Vixen...)

I know I'm late getting this letter out to you, but I sure hope you can find it in your heart to accommodate a few of my requests this year?  I appreciate any and all you can do.  In an attempt to make it easier for you, I'll just list 'em.

-some kind of gadget that makes good tasty food low in calories and high in nutrition
-another kind of gadget that makes sitting and doing nothing burn more calories than exercising
-a teleporter that would enable me to see my friends who live so far away
-something that would make our house animal-hair free  (this one is really for Sir)
-how about some of that World Peace?
-endless supply of toilet paper
-PJ bottoms that don't ride up in the middle of the night
-oh, speaking of middle of the night, how about a bladder that can hold on for about eight hours?
-more crime TV
-a big old house on a lot of land so I can have all the doggies and kitties I could ever dream of?  And maybe some chickens?  And a pig.  And a red barn.
-more Harry Potter books
-that trip to Italy that I keep planning in my head
-a never ending supply of blog post ideas
-a pillow I like
-Missouri Tigers trip to the College World Series
-happiness for my kids
-another meal at Papas and Beer
-Death to Bras
-maybe a cream cheese IV?

I know this list might be hard to fill, so if it's easier, just bring cash. 

Promising I've been more nice than naughty,

JuJu