Saturday, January 5, 2013

26 (.2) Reasons Why I'll Never Run a Marathon



A – My a$$ is too big.

B – Yep.  The boobalies would bounce me right out of mile number one.

C –Chafing anyone?

D -Desire, of which I have none.  Also, discipline.

E –Effort.  It takes WAY too much effort.

F- Flatulence when I run.  Yep.  

G-I look really goofy when I run.  Or, at least I did the last time I did run; which was about sixth grade.

H-It would mess up my hair. 

I-Injuries.

J-Jjuju doesn’t run.  Juju can't run.

K-Seriously, it would kill me.

L-I would be the laughing stock while getting continuously lapped by little old ladies.

M-That is way too many miles.

N-That much running would interfere with my naps.

O-O U C H

P-Um, the pain?

Q-Quitters never win.  Just call me Loser.  Or, you can call me, “Never Starter.”

R-Running is not a word in my vocabulary.

S-That stitch you get in your side. Ouch. Oh, and the sweat.  And, short shorts don’t look good on me.

T-I am terrified of losing my bowels in public.

U-It would be very very ugly.   All of it.  Me, the running, my hair, the outfit.  

V-I’m very content being a fan, not a participant.

W-You can’t drink wine when running a marathon.

X-The words I would be yelling would be xrated.  Small children and sensitive women would be insulted. 

Y-I’m a yellow bellied sapsucker fraidy cat.

Z-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  If I’m doing something for 26.2 miles or approximately four hours, you better believe I’ll be sleeping.


But kudos to all who do, especially our good buddy Matt.  

7 comments:

mel said...

Do you know that Sandie ran a marathon?

That whole peeing/pooping thing would do me in at this point. I can't go four hours without peeing....unless I gave up water days in advance...

Of course, no need to mention that I am of shape...No need to mention it at all.

mel said...

Dearest JuJuBee:

Wherever did you come up with the secret password thing we need to decipher in order to post comments? Not certain if I am senile or blind, but dang...

Oh, darn! I didn't think about the fact I would need to decifer (sp?) it again with a second comment....

sherri s. said...

Once upon a time, I thought about running one. Then I decided I might spill my beer, so I decided not to.

angie128 said...

Ready for this? I have run a marathon. Yes, I'm serious.

Grandma K said...

Girl - you must get my brain signals! Love your lists. They come straight from my brain.

I HATE TO RUN - ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL!!

Robin said...

I loved this. Yes, I've hit this age where it pretty much hurts to run. It's sad. I always say, it sucks because if something was chasing me I am pretty sure I couldn't get away. Which may be a good reason to remedy the situation. Survival skills!

Robin said...

Hi JuJu, to answer you question, we found each other at Sherri's site, Foziewisp. Pretty sure. But, it's a small community out herein blog land. :o)