Saturday, January 5, 2013

26 (.2) Reasons Why I'll Never Run a Marathon

A – My a$$ is too big.

B – Yep.  The boobalies would bounce me right out of mile number one.

C –Chafing anyone?

D -Desire, of which I have none.  Also, discipline.

E –Effort.  It takes WAY too much effort.

F- Flatulence when I run.  Yep.  

G-I look really goofy when I run.  Or, at least I did the last time I did run; which was about sixth grade.

H-It would mess up my hair. 


J-Jjuju doesn’t run.  Juju can't run.

K-Seriously, it would kill me.

L-I would be the laughing stock while getting continuously lapped by little old ladies.

M-That is way too many miles.

N-That much running would interfere with my naps.


P-Um, the pain?

Q-Quitters never win.  Just call me Loser.  Or, you can call me, “Never Starter.”

R-Running is not a word in my vocabulary.

S-That stitch you get in your side. Ouch. Oh, and the sweat.  And, short shorts don’t look good on me.

T-I am terrified of losing my bowels in public.

U-It would be very very ugly.   All of it.  Me, the running, my hair, the outfit.  

V-I’m very content being a fan, not a participant.

W-You can’t drink wine when running a marathon.

X-The words I would be yelling would be xrated.  Small children and sensitive women would be insulted. 

Y-I’m a yellow bellied sapsucker fraidy cat.

Z-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  If I’m doing something for 26.2 miles or approximately four hours, you better believe I’ll be sleeping.

But kudos to all who do, especially our good buddy Matt.  


mel said...

Do you know that Sandie ran a marathon?

That whole peeing/pooping thing would do me in at this point. I can't go four hours without peeing....unless I gave up water days in advance...

Of course, no need to mention that I am of shape...No need to mention it at all.

mel said...

Dearest JuJuBee:

Wherever did you come up with the secret password thing we need to decipher in order to post comments? Not certain if I am senile or blind, but dang...

Oh, darn! I didn't think about the fact I would need to decifer (sp?) it again with a second comment....

sherri s. said...

Once upon a time, I thought about running one. Then I decided I might spill my beer, so I decided not to.

angie128 said...

Ready for this? I have run a marathon. Yes, I'm serious.

Grandma K said...

Girl - you must get my brain signals! Love your lists. They come straight from my brain.


Robin said...

I loved this. Yes, I've hit this age where it pretty much hurts to run. It's sad. I always say, it sucks because if something was chasing me I am pretty sure I couldn't get away. Which may be a good reason to remedy the situation. Survival skills!

Robin said...

Hi JuJu, to answer you question, we found each other at Sherri's site, Foziewisp. Pretty sure. But, it's a small community out herein blog land. :o)