Saturday, October 31, 2009


This is what we will be doing at our house this evening.  Our black cat has lined up the pumpkins and the mice, and they will be performing songs for all the Trick or Treaters. 

The excitement begins when the bats join in the merriment!

(The only way you'll know if I speak the truth is if you come see for yourself!!)


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Skip To The Loo My Darling

I spend a lot of time in the bathroom.  I mean, a LOT of time.  I am sure if you examine your day, you will find that you do as well.

By the way, I'm not talking about the bathing and/or showering part of your day.  I'm talking about the bodily function that many of us don't discuss.  My bowels, and their functions, keep me hopping.  Offhand, I'd say I easily have close to three blogs I can write about this very subject.  So, if you are a loyal reader, I apologize in advance if I repeat themes.

Being a frequent bathroom user, I have developed quite the particular preference when it comes to this special room.  I understand that it is normally one of the smallest rooms in the house, but oh, how that room can make or break your day!  Here are just a few of the elements I use when rating a bathroom as good or bad.

Good Reading Materials:   I enjoy the gossip rags, clothing catalogs, or even a sports magazine.   If you are at my house, you will find a crossword puzzle and a couple photo albums in our little haven.  Bonus points to the bathroom with any of the "Uncle John's Bathroom Readers."

Bad Reading Materials:  Any kind of tool catalog, auto part magazine, auto trader.  Even worse?  No reading materials at all. 

TOILET PAPER:  This is one item of which I will never economize.  Personally, I like the Northern 3 Ply.  Many like Charmin.  I do enjoy the Charmin, but can't use it regularly, too much lint.  But, I'll take that any day, over the one ply sawdust I've been exposed to in my life.  Oh, and it must roll over, rather than under.  Ugh.  I've got problems.


Location of the Bathroom Within the Home:  Have you ever been to someone's house where the bathroom is directly off a main room?  Everyone sees you enter, times your stay, and pretty much knows everything you're doing in there.  The best bathroom is one down at the end of the hall, up the stairs, or even the outdated outhouse.

Door Shutability:  How horrible is the door with no lock?  Or, the door that won't quite "click" shut.  I've been in this bathroom many a time.  I pee as fast as I can, stressing the entire time that someone is going to walk in on me.  And, yes, I've had the folks walk in on me.  The only thing worse than someone walking in on me is the polite knock on the door and having to answer, "Just a minute."  Then you have that awkward exchange as you leave the room.  Argh. 

Little Soaps and Guest Towels:  I never use either of these.  I never feel like I measure up to the "guests" goods.  They look so pretty, I don't want to be the first one to disturb them!

EXTRA Toilet Paper:  I have a very huge fear of running out of TP.  (probably because this has happened in my lifetime!)  We keep many many rolls in our house.  If our stock falls below ten rolls, I break out in a sweat.  So, I always find out just where the extras are held.  The bathrooms that have them out in plain sight for me are my favorites.  Thank you Mary and Larry.

The Exhaust Fan:  I've stayed in so many hotels that do not have the exhaust fan.  Honestly, that's one of the first things we look for upon check-in.  (Yes, we are freaks!)  I love the fan.  I love its loud purring sound.  I love how it drowns out any other sound.  I love that is "exhausts." 

Have I missed anything that you have on your list?  Let's design the perfect potty!!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


I'm sitting on my bed in my PJ's.   My bed has clean sheets.  Rockett is lying next to me.  The windows are open a bit and I can hear a gentle rain.

It's a good night.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Windy Wedding Report, or How I Apologized Mid Song

I am very lucky.  I have some crazy friends that entrusted me with their very special wedding day.  You see, here in the great state of South Carolina, a Notary Public can perform a wedding ceremony.  And, since I'm one of these noble folks, I am "official."  Prior to yesterday, I had officiated at one wedding ceremony.   I enjoyed it, and truly felt honored to be asked to be a part of their day.  (credit to Johnny for this gorgeous pic!)

Oh, let's add another element to the mix.  I also sing, and have done more weddings and funerals than I can honestly remember.  I always enjoy this, especially when the chosen song is something fun to sing.  (Note: I am really OVER the Paul Stookey wedding song.  Blech.  Never again is too soon for me.)  Anyway...I was asked to sing a lovely song written by Ben Folds, "The Luckiest." Love the song. 

One more note of interest?  Steven was the official photographer.  You can see his camera peeking through behind the matron of honor.  And you can see my head checking out this kiss.

So, for the past month, I've really focused on finding the right opening remarks, closing remarks, pre-kiss remarks, prounoucement words, etc.  Luckily, this thing called the internet is a huge help for a Notary Public like myself.  In addition, the bride and groom wrote their own vows, so I didn't have to worry about those! 

I practiced with the piano boy (I call him piano boy, as he is a spry 18 years old, a freshman at the local college, and can run rings around me, musically!!)  I practiced at home, I practiced with headphones on, I practiced in the car.  And, when I wasn't practicing, that darn song was running through my head. 

I was ready and prepared. I had my backpack with my wedding binder, handkerchiefs for crying bride and groom, towel for sweaty Judi, spray hair wax  (a wedding necessity), chapstick, camera and phone. 


A few days ago, Mother Nature decided to give me a nice juicy head cold.  So, singing was going to be a great challenge.  Excuse me, singing would be no problem, singing WELL was going to be a problem.  So, I stressed about that all week.  (Reminder to self, you are NOT in control)  Yesterday morning, I woke up and it was a WINDY wonderland.  The wedding was held on the river, so it was even windier.  Luckily, I brought paper clips, so I was able to clip my words and song in my trusty notebook.  Oh, silly me.  This wind was mightier than the paper clip.  It blew my papers, it blew my hair (note in pix!), it blew over the PA speaker.  It blew the brides veil off her darn head!  (Kudos to her, she recovered nicely!) 

And, as I was singing my overly practiced gorgeous song, it happened...There was a HUGE amount of  PA feedback during one of my gorgeous notes, and I said, "SORRY" and kept on singing.  WHY in the world didn't I just keep singing?  What posessed me to apologize for the feedback on a windy day?  Good gravy, I said SORRY during the most important day of Brad and Chrissa's life. 

Frank Sinatra never would have done that.

At least no one I knew was there. LIE!  All my dearest friends were in attendance.

At least my dress didn't blow up over my head.  Well, I don't think it did.  I haven't seen all the pictures yet.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

I'b all stuffed ub

I don't need this thing today. 

I don't need it, because I have plenty of snot in my nose.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Sometimes, I take for granted this gorgeous city of mine.  I went downtown tonight to practice for an upcoming wedding, and it was just a perfect Tuesday evening.

I always feel like I'm on vacation when I'm downtown.

Even the most simple of signs looks neat downtown.

Everything has so much character.

Little nooks and crannies hold such interest.

Palm trees are everywhere.

Even the views from the parking garage are pretty.

Monday, October 19, 2009

All this Ballooney

As I sit here preparing to watch, "Law and Order: SVU," I just realized that I have a problem with balloons.

First of all, I always struggle when I go to spell it.  The two "ls" and two "os" always mess me up.  So, for the remainder of this post, and in an attempt to not stress myself, I will refer to them as B's.  Thank you for indulging me.

I was think about the B boy.  I can't even begin to tell you how annoyed I am by this story, the media coverage of it, and the constant reference to this child as "B Boy."  I have no idea what the "real" story is, but I'm guessing it aint pretty.

Most things with "B" in it annoy me.  Remember, my all time most hated can't stand to hear make me cringe when I hear it song is, "99 Luft B's."  Ugh.  Can't stand the song (either language), the video, or the singer's name.

Can't stand the sound of a B when it pops.  My blood pressure rises each time this happens.

Ewwwwwwww, that feeling of a B rubbing against your hair to get it all static-y.  Yuck!

Heroin B's.  Enough said.

B Bouquets?  They're deceiving.  They look so pretty at first, but the next day, they're starting to die, losing air, and losing their luster.  The become depressing reminders that the good thing is over.

They float all around the house, mysteriously.  One day it is in your living room.  Come home from work, and it's now in the bathroom.  FREAKY.

How impossible is it to tie that knot?

B animals!  Argh!

B payment?  See?  It always implies something bad.

Give me flowers any day of the week.  But, you can keep your B's. 

Here's hoping we all have a B free week!  They're of the devil I tell you!!!!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Random Thoughts From Left Field

I am loving this cooler weather. 

I am wearing my brand new birthday shoes today.  They are crossword puzzle Converse.  Taylor bought them for my for my birthday.  Aren't they fun? The inside of the shoe has clues!

I love the Gilmore Girls.

Lately, when I see moms and young daughters, I have a tug at my heart for those days with Taylor. 

I am singing and officiating at a wedding next weekend.  I feel so honored to get to be a part of two special friends' special day.

I've never been a big fan of Tinkerbell.

Ironically, my favorite peanut butter is Peter Pan.

Those socks in that picture look a bit funky.  Please ignore.

I love my new Shark Steam Mop. 

One of the things I love about living in the south is the terms of endearment I get from total strangers.  Sometimes a simple, "thanks hon" or "have a good day sweetheart" makes my whole day or picks me up when I'm feeling blue.

My favorite Disney princess is Belle from "Beauty and the Beast."

I love getting unexpected texts from family and friends that say they're thinking of me. 

I'm kind of itching to see my brothers and their families.  Should we drive there for Thanksgiving??

I ordered a pair of red boots this week. I can't wait to wear them.  I know they're gonna make me feel sassafrassy.

Coconut grosses me out.

UPDATE:  They caught the guy that stole our roof at work.  Apparently, he's part of a ring that has stolen close to 1.5 million dollars of copper in our office area.  Whoda thunk it?

I love Steven's taste in music.

Taylor has my ipod right now.  (hers broke)  She took all my music off of it.  OUCH.

This may be the most boring blog EVER.  "Congratulations Ms. Tedford!  This is the most boring blog ever!"

Teenage love breaks my heart.

I'm going to an Irish Pub for a late lunch today.  I love this pub.  And, they have great homemade ranch dressing.

I hope this week hurts less than last week for some people I know.

Okay, I'm putting us all out of our misery.  Peace OUT for now.  :-)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Two Words

Happy Hump Day to one and all!  I went to check my this morning, as I always do, and she had a little post/quiz/thing on there.  I love these little things.  I especially loved that at the end were two more words:  You're Tagged! 

So, if you're still with me, here's the deal - use two words only to answer each question.  Have fun!  I look forward to reading yours.  And remember, YOU'RE TAGGED!!

Where is your cell phone?  on table
Your Hair?  Sassy Spikes
Your Mother?  Tiny lady
Your Father?  Deep Voice
Your Favorite Food?  Cream Cheese
Your Dream Last Night?  Disturbing Reunion
Your Favorite Drink?  Iced Tea
Your Dream/Goal?  Happy Family
Your Hobby?  Creating blogs
Where do you want to be in 6 years?  New House
Where were you last night?  Bronwen Court
Something that you aren't?  skinny model
Muffins?  no thanks
Wish List Item?  red boots
Last thing you did?  cooked dinner
What are you wearing?  night clothes
Your TV?  too big!!
Your pets?  spoiled ROTTEN!!
Your Life?  very blessed
Your Mood?  cautiously optimistic
Missing Someone?  always Jake
Your Car?  Red Venza
Something you're not wearing? uncomfortable bra
Your Favorite Store?  Zappos Shoes
Your Favorite Color?  Hot Red
When was the last time you laughed?  Grace Story
When was the last time you cried?  Watching Movie
Your Best Friend?  is bald
One place you go over and over?  Any toilet
One person who emails you regularly?  Crazy Jan
Favorite place to eat?  Larry's Kitchen

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Over 40 and Feeling Foxy?

I love getting my hair "done." I have colored my hair for so long now, that I honestly don't remember what my real color is. (Okay, I lie. It's mousy brown.) I like to pretend that I have some red tint in my hair, and thus the reason why I go red. I've had some form of red in my hair since about 1989. (with the exception of two years ago when I went through my black hair phase; phase lasted three days)

I love watching all that great goop going on my head. I love watching Kathy part my hair so perfectly and making those foils so tight on my head. I love reading "Star" Magazine while my color is processing. I love it when the DING goes off, indicating that my color is done and cooked! Oh, how I love having my head washed and scrubbed.

But, that's when it starts to get scary. Up to this point, I can pretend and forget that this thing I do will affect my appearance. I haven't looked "normal" in a loooooong time. I choose crazy hair, as it reminds me to let out the sassy side of me. It's my personal reminder to being committed to being crazy and living a full life. But, I usually have a 10 second moment of panic when I look at myself in the mirror when the color is fresh.

Tonight, I cut off a good bit of hair as well as coloring it my crazy colors. I just felt it was time for a change. And, I feel good tonight. Tomorrow morning may be another story, but for now, I'm feeling this hairdo.

Although, I'm not sure Rockett likes it?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Two Awesome Gifts

I fully intended to blog tonight, but man oh man, I'm tired.  Let me just share a picture with you instead.  These are two of my favorite gifts I received for my birthday.  Steven bought me 40 tulips and my dear friend, Jan, bought me this great book.  (I think there is some SERIOUSLY good blog fodder in there!)

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Happy Saturday to Me!

Hello Everybody!  I am 46 today.  How about them apples?  I don't feel any different than I did yesterday, but I'll let you know if that changes by the end of the day.  We are going to celebrate with friends, planning to eat some yummy oysters at Pearlz.  I'm hoping for some blog fodder!

Yesterday, I heard a song on the radio that made me want to sing at the top of my lungs.  Do you have songs that make you feel that way?  Sometimes, it's entire CD's.  (or as I still think of them, "albums.")   Thety aren't usually my favorite artists, as I'd rather hear them sing.  But, something about these songs makes me want to warble.  Here's some of my "top of the lung" faves:

The one I heard yesterday was Billy Joel's, "Big Shot."  (oh no no no you had to be a BIG SHOT din't you...)  Actually, that entire album (52nd Street) makes me want to sing.  You've got, "Rosalinda's Eyes," and "Until the Night."  Awesome!

Les Miserable Soundtrack - I can go from Fontene to Eponine in one flick of the button.  And, I do a great Jean Val Jean.  "2 4 6 0 1!!!!"

Heart - Straight On or Crazy.  These two have long been faves.  I remember pretending to be Nancy Wilson and singing into house plant as my microphone.  (It was a tall plant...)  I've even been known to do some Mick Jaggerish type strut at the start of Straight On.

Bohemian Rhapsody - Of course.  It's not even original anymore after Wayne's World, but I actually remember having the 45 when I was younger. 


Elton John - Saturday!  Saturday!  Saturday! Saturday!!!!

Dixie Chicks - Wide Open Spaces.  That part where she tells about her mama being a young girl and leaving home gets me every time!

George Michael -The FAITH album.  I can sing this sucker from beginning to end, and then go back and do it again. 

Anything by the Guess Who, Three Dog Night, or older Chicago.

"Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Vocal Band.  One Hit Wonder baby.

"Best of My Love" by the Emotions.

Gladys Knight & the Pips - Midnight Train, You're the Best Thing, Neither one of us want to be the first to say goodbye...  I always sing the PIP part. 

Me and Mrs. Jones, Float On, She Used to be My Girl, Billy, Don't Be A Hero, Any Michael Jackson song, Any John Denver song, Shake Your Groove Thing,

The only problem with this list is that if they come on the radio, then the folks in the cars next to me are going to get quite a show!   No head banging, but I do put some emotion into it!

What are some of your ditties??

Monday, October 5, 2009

Queen for a Day, or how I won Frank Sinatra Tickets

WARNING: This is a very long story.

Let me take you back to the year 1986. I was living in St. Louis and working at a law firm in the billing department. I would have been a spry 23 in 1986. I had been married for a few months when I noticed some unusual spotting. Along with this spotting, I was getting some intense cramping, so knew I needed to see my obgyn. I was convinced I had some type of cancer, and was truly frightened.

At my doctor's appointment, I spoke of my fears and symptoms. My very cute Scottish doctor told me I was probably just ovulating and assured me that everything was fine. But, since I was there, we'd just check it out to see. So, I get an internal. You know, the humiliating female exam. You know, the one where you pray you don't get gassy, and that you don't do anything embarrassing.

Very shortly into the exam, he says, with his adorable Scottish brogue, "I see the problem." At that point, he removes a feminine hygiene product (for the remainder of this post, I will call it the FHP) and dangles it over my head. I WAS MORTIFIED. I asked him, "how long has that been in there?" His response? "No telling." (OH MY GOSH I AM EVEN MORE MORTIFIED THAN I WAS JUST 30 SECONDS AGO) He then explained to me that he meant one or two cycles, and that I was lucky that it was found with no more serious side effects. I smiled wanly, tucked my tail between my legs and went home. Please keep in mind that I had to then tell my curious family and friends that I was NOT going to die from cancer. (only from embarrassment)

OKAY. Now, flash forward to a radio contest that was being held in St. Louis. The prize was two front row tickets to see Frank Sinatra. Granted, he looked more like this:

But come on! It was Frank! I had grown up listening to my mother ooh and aah if his name were mentioned. He was in the Rat Pack! He was in Guys and Dolls! He inspired the character of Johnny Fontane in "The Godfather." He looked great in a hat, and could melt butter with his voice.

But I digress. Anyway, this station was running a contest entitled, "Queen for a Day." The person with the best (worst?) sob story would win the front row tickets. I called, and made it through to the DJ's. I began by telling little horrible stories that were really pretty boring. (My dad was fired the day after my wedding, my dog got the tip of her tail cut off in the screen door, etc) I could feel their interest slipping away.

Now remember. I really wanted those tickets....

So, I regaled them with my FHP story. I told every single detail. And at the end of my tale, there was utter silence. And then? They asked my name. And I gave them my name. My full name. First Name. Last Name. Yep, no anonymity for this little lady. And I WON!! Granted, all of St. Louis now knew of my major embarrassment, but I was going to see Frank. The producer of the show called me later and said that they chose me as the winner, because they knew no one could make up THAT story.

So, I went to see Frank. I was probably the only person wearing jeans and under 50. But, it's something I'll always treasure and remember. It was totally worth it. Granted, I now associate Frank Sinatra with FHP's, but what the heck! I did it MY WAY!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Saturday Night Special

I don't really have a theme for today's post, other than the fact that I don't have a theme. I like this picture, so that's why I chose it. But, other than that, it has nothing to do with this post.

We bought a new tv today. It's enormous. Yet, the remote is tiny. I find that curious.

I love October.

Last night, I sent myself a reminder to order flowers. The only problem is that I have no idea to whom I'm wanting to send them.

The police called our office yesterday, and told me they were close to making an arrest on the roof thieves. The nice detective told me that he would need someone to "identify the copper." I figure this is as close as I'll get to an episode of Law and Order or CSI.

I am having a very difficult time finding a pair of black boots. I want some to wear with dresses that have a chunky heel. (I'm not good on pointy heels) Of course, this is the year of the pointy heel, the wedge, or the riding boot.

I think I'd like a new pair of glasses.

I love blogging on a Saturday night.

This is my friend Johnnie, and his lovely wife, Dusti. I am giving him a huge shout out today in this Saturday Night Blog. HEY JOHNNIE!! I told him last night that I would write an entire blog about him, but that will come at a later date. I do want to say that Johnnie is probably one of the nicest persons I've ever known. And he makes a killer roast potato.

Why do I gravitate toward watching movies I've already watched, rather than try something new?

I can't use chopsticks. I don't know how.

My blog buddies make me smile. Thanks buddies!

I love listening to Rockett chomp her dry dog food. It's a happy sound.

I'm going through an unusually organized phase. I have all my birthday cards and gifts purchased for this month. It's a good feeling.

I think I'm craving a really greasy cheeseburger with super thin onion rings on the side. The best I ever had was at a place called, the "Village Tavern" in Des Peres, Missouri. Kind of far for carry out.

Okay folks. Thanks for tuning in on this first Saturday of October. Hope yours is as good as mine!