Monday, July 30, 2012

Checking In From St. Pete

We are having a great time.

We haven't really done much.  

We've hung out in the pool and next to the pool.
We've sat in the hot tub.
We watched dolphins swim.  

We've eaten a ton of food.
We've said, "don't swallow the water" and "spit it out" a few hundred times.

I've watched my two children under the same roof and loved it.

 Yes.  I have raccoon eyes.

The boys played games with a big whale.

and made a big old splash.

Memories being made.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Almost There

I have one day left of work and then I'm off for a week.  If I felt better, I'd do a cartwheel.

Please picture that.

Okay, now that you're done laughing.  We are going to St. Petersburg, Florida for five days.  We rented a house with a pool, and I plan to have my fluffy behind planted in there for the majority of the time.  BOTH my kids will be joining us and our friends Mike and Tracy, and their kids.  I am so looking forward to reading books and cooling off in the water. 

I'm still working on getting rid of this nagging cough, but I'm SO much better than I was a week ago at this time.  I hate getting sick.

Has everyone been to Florida?  I had never been there until my 30's.  Now, I feel like I'm there at least once a year.  We enjoy renting a house with a pool, and they have plenty of those.

Did you pretend you were a synchronized swimmer when you were younger?  I used to do the most gorgeous routines in the Holiday Inn swimming pool.  (that's where I swam during the summers, no club pools for our family!)  I never wore that dumb thing on my nose, but I'm sure I looked super cool doing my routines.

My mom used to do the sidestroke in the pool.  She didn't want to get her hair wet.  Geezo Peezo Mom.

Happy End of July! 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Night George!

George Jefferson is dead.

Well, Sherman Hemsley is dead, which means George is dead.

I used to love the Jefferson's.  Mother Jefferson was my fave.  She was such a pistol, wasn't she?  And, I can see George doing his little dance if I think about it.    Every time my back hurts, I want Mr. J to come walk on my back. 

TV was so much better as a kid.  I watched the Brady Bunch, the Partridge Family, All in the Family, the Mary Tyler Moore Show, Newhart, and  O M G, the Carol Burnett Show. 

I think the CBS was my favorite of all time.  I loved the skits.  I loved Tim Conway as the old man.  I loved when Harvey Korman lost it and started laughing.  Oh, Carol Burnett, you were such a mainstay of my youthful Saturday nights.

I would watch it right now if I could. I would watch all of them right now. 

Throw in some Medical Center, Big Valley, and Roots, and I think I was pretty darn lucky growing up; I had great entertainment.  We may have only had three channels (if we were lucky) but we sure had some great shows.  Now, I have hundreds, and can't seem to find anything to watch. 

Mr. Jefferson, I hope you are living it up in that de-luxe apartment in the sky.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Back At It! Well, Sort Of

I think I'm s l o w l y  reentering the world of the living.  I was back at work today, and made it through the entire day.

Granted, I coughed up a small child, a tonka truck and a bearded dragon, but, I made it.  (must remember cough syrup tomorrow!)

I am determined to be all better. We leave for VACATION in five days, and the last thing I want to do is feel bad!  I must rest rest rest so I will be well enough to rest next week. 

Folks, I haven't eaten a potato chip in a week.  This is seriously record breaking.  It's not just the fact that I haven't eaten one; it's that I didn't even WANT one.  That has never happened in all my forty eight - almost - forty nine years.  I love chips.  Yes, Friends, I am a chipaholic.

I wish I had something to write about other than being sick.  Oh, I'm now caught up on every real housewife from every city.  I watched a ton of crime and even realized that someone I went to school with was killed by an infamous serial killer.  How have I not heard this over the years? 

I have also seen many strange things in my ceiling fan and on my ceiling/window at night.  (Have I discussed these crazy hallucinations I have in the  middle of the night?)  This week found Dora the Explorer visiting me, along with an impish little redheaded boy. 

Yes, I'm on cough syrup with codeine.

Since I have nothing interesting to offer, tell me the best part of your last seven days?  I will live vicariously through healthy you!

I sure hope someone ate some chips.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Saturday Evening Check In

Hello World.
I'm still feeling pooey, I've been battling Bronchitis and all its lovely characteristics.

I have enjoyed reading everyone's blog posts this week, but have had absolutely no energy and nothing to offer in return, other than a post about coughing and peeing.  And heck, I already did that one.

I'll be back soon, but until then, enjoy looking at this:

Hello DA Ladies.  I sure do miss you.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012


Today will be forever known as July SevenPEEnth.

It is July SevenPEEnth, because PEE has been the theme of my day.

Sir and I are getting new life insurance policies, and you know they require blood and urine for underwriting purposes.  Well, I have never been good with giving up my urine.  It is always a challenge for me.

When I had to give my very first urine sample, I was about eighteen years old.  I went to the doctor and the nurse asked me for a sample.  Then she handed me THE CUP.  I acted like I knew what I was doing, but when I was in the teeny tiny bathroom, all by myself, I really had no clue what was expected of me.  Did they think I could pee in that tiny thing?  Honestly.  So, I did what I thought they wanted - I peed in the toilet and scooped out the contents with that cup they handed me.

It was only later that I discovered this wasn’t the proper procedure.   (Amazing they never said I had too much bleach in my urine....)

Well, ever since then, giving a urine sample has been intimidating for me.  I don’t care what position I take, what I wear, or how big the cup is, I always manage to pee on myself, the toilet, my drawers, the floor, my shoes and my leg.  Every.  Single.  Time.  Today was no exception.  I was Old Faithful at Yellowstone Park; or rather, Old Faithful at YellowPee Toilet.  It's just not something I've ever been able to master.

I also have a bit of a respiratory thing going on, which means I have some pretty intense coughing fits.  And, being the “maturing” woman that I am, that means that every time I cough, I lose a little bit from my bladder.

And, thus, July SevenPEEnth.  Pass the Depends!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

A Letter to My Blackberry

Dear Blackberry Storm:

You and I have been through a lot together.  Before you, your sister, the pink Blackberry, was my closest accessory.  Together, we've texted thousands of texts, sent photos to friends and loved ones, followed Missouri Tigers games, and kept current with all things Facebook.  You have been a tried and true friend.

That's why, what I have to say is so very difficult.

Blackberry, the time has come for us to go our separate ways.  Yes, I'm breaking up with you.  Oh, how I love your keyboard.  You helped this large-thumbed woman create perfectly spelled texts every time.  You and I knew each other so well, I didn't have to think when applying punctuation or emoticons.  Your short stocky stature matched mine to a T.

In spite of our compatibility my friend, it is time for a change.  I have resisted this change for a few years.  I even flirted with the Droid for a short period of time, but that was a fatal attraction for sure.  Only because I respect you, am I telling you that you are being replaced by the IPhone.

BB, it's time.  I need to be with my family and they all have the IPhone.  I need Instagram to spy, er um, keep up with my daughter's activities.  I need to be able to finally play words with friends and that drawing game.  Believe me when I say, it's ME, not YOU.

Thank you for your years of loyalty and service, even when others made fun of you.  I will always treasure our time together.  Enjoy your retirement my little outdated buddy.


Saturday, July 14, 2012

Blast from the Past

We are watching Taylor's dad's dog this weekend. (follow that one?)  He is always cleaning out his house and finding more of my stuff from twenty years ago.  Last night's find was this:

This is my old doll trunk from WAY WAY WAY back in the day.  I obviously went through a "M*A*S*H" obsession, and made my trunk out to be like the tent of Hawkeye, Trapper and BJ. 

The dolls I played with in this time of my life were Velvet and Chrissy.  Do you remember them?  They were the ones who had adjustable hair.  You could make it long or short with a simple twist of a button that was attached to their back.  (ouch!)    I also had a Shirley Temple doll who was about the same proportions as the other two, just a tad bit fluffier.

I opened the trunk and it was an immediate catapult back to my youth.  My grandmother made all these clothes.  She used material that she had used to make smock tops for me.   Most of the pants are bell bottoms.  (still my favorite today!)  One year, when the Missouri Tiger football team went to the Sun Bowl, she made an outfit for me and my doll that matched.  Here's the doll's:

I'm sure I never thanked my grandmother properly for making all these outfits.  I look at these now and am amazed that she did all this for me. It must have taken her so much time to sew these. 

I'm guessing my love of polka dots started with this little number.

I love the moving company sticker that is still affixed to the trunk.  

My grandmother has been dead for almost twenty years now; probably as long as the last time I looked inside this trunk.  What a sweet little reunion I had with my dolls and with Grandma last night.  Grandma J, thank you so much for all the love you gave me and all the time you spent with me when I was growing up.  And, thanks for helping me have the best dressed dolls in town.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Mid Week Mute (hubba hubba)

I'm not a facelift person. I am what I am.


Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.

Never revisit the past, that's dangerous. You know, move on.
I don't know what your childhood was like, but we didn't have much money. We'd go to a movie on a Saturday night, then on Wednesday night my parents would walk us over to the library. It was such a big deal, to go in and get my own book.

Monday, July 9, 2012


On my ride home today, I was stopped at an intersection waiting to turn left.  A driver was turning into my street, but very nicely signaled for me to go ahead and pull out onto the street.  I gave him the thank you wave and he acknowledged my wave with a wave. 

That simple gesture made me feel so darn good.

I mean, really, the NICE part was that he let me out into traffic.  But, the wave was like the icing on the cake.  In my mind, he's probably the nicest person on the planet;  all because of that wave. 

I know this is something we all do day in and day out.  Often times, I'll give the wave and won't get one in return.  Sometimes, we do something nice with no wave and it ruins the moment.  We might get a thumbs up, a horn tap, or even a big old smile. 

Today was the perfect combination.  Kindness followed by wave followed by wave.

So, Mr. Truck Driver in Goose Creek, turning left onto Pineview Road:  thank you for making my day.  I salute you and your goodness!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

July Heat Whine

I hate the heat.

Some might think the word, "hate" is strong.

Nope.  I really hate it.

My body needs to live where the high temperature runs around 75 degrees on its absolute hottest day. 

I have no desire for a tan, other than the fact that tan fat is more attractive than pale fat.

I enjoy sunshine, but only for it to take just a tad bit of chill off the day. 

So, this July heat and all these record breaking temperatures are making me miserable. 

Add that to the peri-menopausal goings on in my body, and I'm a furnace.

I shower all the time.

After showering, I have to lie still and stop sweating from the showering.

Getting in the car at the end of the day is a whole 'nother story. 

Sweaty bras.  Sweat rolling down my back.  Buttcrack sweat. 

Why oh why am I living in the South? 

Even the pool/ocean/river waters are hot. 

Are there vacation resorts on icebergs?

Think snow!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Pre Holiday Preparations

Isn't it weird to have the 4th of July falling on a Wednesday?  I'm sure it has before in my life, but I surely can't remember it.

I had a super bad day today.  It was a serious Murphy's Law Day.  Everything went wrong.

I've been pouting all day, but plan to be over it by tomorrow.

I think being off work, spending time with friends and eating lots of good food will cure all that ails me.

Or most of it anyway.

My favorite thing to eat in the summer is fresh sliced tomatoes with loads of salt and pepper.
And corn on the cob.

Strawberries are pretty tasty right now too.

 Do you ever feel like some of your relationships in life are a one way street?

Yeah, me too.

I like seeing Fireworks in the sky, but I don't like the big booms.  Too scary for the doggies and kitties.

Fireworks over water are so pretty.

 Steven is drinking a nice patriotic bourbon.

Mr. Jefferson is wearing tights.  I bet he's hot in this heat.

Cream cheese, sugar cookie and fruit all in one big plate of goodness.  Ahh.  That's what makes our country great.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

How To Celebrate A Birthday in the South, Part Two

If you were kind enough to read my previous post, you know that we spent part of Taylor's birthday at the gun range.  Only in the South, I tell ya.

And, now, just two days later, we celebrated another birthday in another Southern tradition: the White Trash Bash.

Sir and I love a theme party.  We enjoy going to the thrift stores to find just the perfect outfit. 

Have no fear friends, I have not had a stroke.  I may have a claw hand in this picture and be complete with the stroke face, but this is all a result of Taylor taking the picture on "2" rather than "3."

What is involved at a White Trash Bash you ask?  Well, lots of folks wearing short shorts, long facial hair, and way too much makeup.  (Sir said I looked more like Mimi from the Drew Carey show than anything else...)

There was a lot of camoflauge and overalls.

At the WTB, we had only the best foods.  Hamburgers, hot dogs, bologna sandwiches, pork rinds, boiled peanuts,  Cheetos, Fritos and Jello Shots.

The cake was a true original.

But the best part of the party?  It had to be the wading pool we all used to cool off our tootsies.  I'm sure your part of the world is like the rest of the country, BOILING HOT.  Sitting outside in the middle of the day is not my favorite thing to do.  But, the pool made all the difference in keeping us cool.

It also provided a place for those empty jello shot containers. 

White Trash Monocle.