Thursday, June 28, 2012

How to Celebrate a Birthday in the South

Go to the ATP Gun Range and Store with daughter, her boyfriend, your husband and your ex husband who happens to be daughter's dad
Turn over your license and keys
And take a quick lesson on loading and shooting a gun

Pick out a target
Take obligatory picture with the target
Make fun of all the people in the gun shop

Pose with bullets
Realize that three of four people shooting might be pretending that I'm the target
Hope this isn't an elaborate plan to "off" the Ju
Don't turn your back on anyone

Spend a bit of time thinking how much you don't like guns
Be glad YOU didn't opt to shoot
Start thinking about what's for dinner
What else would you have after shooting at the gun range?

Thank your lucky stars that you walked out of there unscathed
Pick up that there BBQ
Go to the ex's house, your former house, to eat and open presents

Whatever you do, do NOT sing "Happy Birthday," as daughter hates that song
Open pressies
Say a little prayer of Thanksgiving that your child is healthy, happy and celebrating another birthday in the South.


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Mid Week Mute

Baby turns 20.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Suspicious Chicken

Our dog is spoiled rotten.  And since she's spoiled rotten, she has tons of toys.  Over the years, we've bought her just about every toy out there.  The  more a toy squeaks, the  more she loves it.  (especially early in the morning, or late at night)

She tends to kill the squeakers in most toys.  Some toys she has destroyed until there is nothing left but a pile of fluff and the shredded outer layer of some cute little animal.

But, there is one toy that has stood the test of time.  I introduce you to Suspicious Chicken:

Poor Suspish has been through the ringer.  His right leg is just about to fall off.  He's dirtier than dirt.  And yet, he keeps on smiling.  He's been  Rockett's favorite toy for a few years now.  When we come home, she goes to get him and carries him around until she calms down.  A few months ago, this meant she took him outside with her and dumped him behind the shed.

We've been afraid to go behind the shed, as we think evil monsters live back there.  We're pretty sure Rockett missed Suspish.  He was her favorite baby to nibble.

So, mama took things into her own hands.  No, I didn't go behind the scary shed.  I ordered a new Suspicious Chicken and it arrived today.  Check out the difference:

She found the squeaker, and is nibbling away.   

Brave Sir went out and found the original Suspish, and we'll wash him up and reintroduce him to the mix.  I feel bad just retiring him with no fanfare.  "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold."

Well, maybe one is dirty and the other clean......

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Another Loss, Another Heartbreak

Before I met Sir Steven, I don't think I had ever watched a complete soccer game.  And, I know I never cared if England won or lost.

Well, being in love with and married to an Englishman changed all that.  I now know as much about soccer as I do about football and baseball.  My weekends are taken up with watching the English Premier League Football matches.  I pull for Manchester United as strongly as I ever did any team my dad and brother coached for.  And, when it comes to international competition, I pull for England.  Yeah, call me a traitor.

In the years I've been with Sir, there have been three World Cup Tournaments and four European Cup Championships. 

Each time there's a tournament, we get together with the other English folks we know.  Sometimes, this is the only time we'll see each other; every two years.  We've added new people to the mix, but the core folks are always there.  We always enjoy the games, but they all seem to end the same.  England loses in some kind of heartbreaking fashion. 

Today's game was no exception.  We all grouped together to watch this group of men play a game with a little white ball.  They kicked and ran and kicked and ran.  They did this for 90 minutes with no score for either team. 

They played thirty extra minutes and still no score.

They went to penalty kicks.  And lost. 


And, now it's another two years until World Cup, until we meet again.   It will take that long to heal the broken hearts.  

(Pictures by Sir.  Heartache by Johnny)

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Bottles and Brushes

In our household, we celebrate birthdays for as long as humanly possible.   Taylor turns 20 next week, and the first part of the celebration involved an outing to Bottles and Brushes.

This is one of those places where you spend two hours painting and end up with a picture that you can't believe you painted.  Well, that's how it was for me. 

I don't have much artistic talent.  Oh, I can draw a tree, a sunshine in the corner, a few birds in the sky, but that's about it.  But, this experience left me feeling a bit like Van Gogh.  But with both ears.

Five of our friends joined us.  It was very sweet of them to come along, and I think they all found it to be a relaxing evening. Although, you can see just how very hard everyone is working in this picture.  This was a table of overachievers.

This night's creation was to be the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland.  Yeah right.  Me paint that?  But, after two very quick hours, I had created this:

Yes.  I realize mine looks a little bit like the Mad Hatter in drag, but I was pleased.  Although, those sure are some big old lips.

Taylor, on the other hand, does have artistic talent. 

We even had a graduation photo taken with the whole class.

Look at that radical dude on the end who made his guy with blonde hair.  He probably skipped classes in school too.  There's always ONE. 

Are you starting to get creeped out by all these Mad Hatters? 
Let's look at some pretty women instead.

It was a great mother/daughter and friend evening.  
Even if my dude ended up with the biggest lips.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Mid Week Mute

(with a teensy tiny caption)

These are all houses that hold happy memories for me.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


It's two weeks until July 4th; you know, the halfway point of the summer.  Glory Be. 

I fell in the bathtub this morning.  Talk about feeling like an old decrepit woman.  I scared the cats, the dog and the husband. Nothing was injured but my pride.

Next week is Taylor's birthday, that means the celebration begins THIS week.   Thursday, we are going to one of those painting classes where you can bring your own drinks and snacks.  I'm excited for two reasons:  it's something fun/different to do, and it will be great blog fodder!

I can't wait to report back to you on what we're doing on her actual birthday.   Let's just say it's something I've never done before.

We've been invited to a white trash party next weekend.  Any suggestions as to what to wear?  I figure a trip to Goodwill is in order for some costume shopping.

Next week is also Earth, Wind & Fire.  I've wanted to see them in concert since 1978. 

I just realized that next week is really busy. 

I just realized that this weekend is busy too.

All this busyness is stressing me out.  I hate to be over planned.

Bobby Hill and Steve Harvey entertain me at night.

I've now played Bingo two times in the month of June.  Please refer to the entry about falling in the bathtub.  Getting O L D.

I'd like to have one of those refrigerators with the French doors and the freezer on the bottom.  But, how does the ice cube maker work?

I'd also like a rocking recliner.   With a cup holder.    Again, refer to bathtub and bingo statements.  OLD.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Walking on Broken Glass

Happy Sunday!  Happy beginning of the week!  Happy end to the weekend!  Okay, that one didn't work.

We've had a strange few days.  Sir Steven had a soccer game Thursday evening.  After these games, the team meets at the bar to discuss how great they were.  This particular evening, I stayed in and chilled with Rockett and the cats.

About 10:00, Sir calls me to inform me that someone had broken into his car while he was at the bar.  Whoever broke in stole his soccer bag, which was on the front seat of the car.  The thief made away with sweaty stinky shin pads, soccer gloves, smelly shoes and Sir's wallet.  Luckily, Sir had his debit card with him, so we didn't have to worry about canceling any credit cards.  He'll have to replace everything, which comes in just under that $500 deductible we have on the car...

The thief broke the passenger side window to get into the car.  In  South Carolina, if you carry comp/collision on your vehicle, then glass replacement has no deductible.  So, really, we were very lucky.  There was minimal damage to the car, and it's already repaired.  Now Sir spends the next week replacing his license, soccer gear,and all those reward cards for restaurants and gas stations!

Whoever did this had to be pretty ballsy, as the car was in a well lit area just off a main road.  I feel bad that we live in a world where people are that desperate, needy, or just that jaded.  I wonder if we're going to see someone walking around Charleston in Steven's soccer gear? 


Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there.  Since day one of my life, I've had great fathers in it.  My kids have great fathers.  My brothers are great fathers.  Sir is a great father to the animals.  But it all started with this handsome fella, I love and miss you Dad.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Getting There

When we moved into our house we had the ugliest walls on the planet.  They were dark dark dark burgundy.  They were U G L Y, you aint got no alibi.

Steven took over, and painted some fun blue/white walls and we put some purple in with the blue in our dining room area.   I had to really scrounge through my photos to find some pix of those walls.  Here's Sir doing his favorite thing:

You can see the different levels of blues.  This is our dining room area.  That is Steven and his best friend, Stella.

You can see that we carried through with the blue/purple theme into our family room. This is the side wall, only painted under the chair rail.  The big wall, which is the left of red-headed Taylor was all purple and blue.

Well, my wonderful painting husband has once again transformed the rooms.  I present the family room:

We're not quite done, but we're getting there.  Those stripes are black.  I think they look navy blue in this picture?  Anyway, we're doing a black/white theme in the two rooms.  I'm thinking of painting that table black.  How would I do that?

Here's the dining room area.  I think this is my fave:   (pay no attention to the mess)

We are doing two more things in these rooms, when they're done, I'll surely share.  Have no fear, one of them involves color. 

Of course, you know what happens.  You think you're making one small change, and you end up changing the entire house....

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Goodbye Virgin Mary

We've lived in our house for twelve years.  In that twelve years time, we've seen quite a few neighbors come and go.   That's a whole 'nother blog post, to be sure.  (Why is it neighbors are always so weird?)

A couple years ago, we pulled into our cul de sac and saw that a new neighbor had moved in two doors down.  We were used to that, as that house had a bit of a revolving door of tenants.  What stood out to us about this one was the VIRGIN MARY statue in the yard.  (note:  this picture is not our neighbor's statue, she is MUCH more exposed)

I have nothing against the Virgin Mary.  She seems to be a very nice lady, and goodness knows she was very giving.  But, she just didn't look right in the front yard of this house, nestled in the pine straw. 

Not only did she not look right, but I knew I would then be faced with a challenge of keeping Sir Steven away from that thing.   My first words after seeing her were, "You are not allowed to pee on that."  Yes, we have to make rules like that in my world.

We began calling the woman who moved in by the moniker, Virgin Mary.  VM had three dogs and a cat when she moved into the house.  She would walk the dogs twice a day, and the cat would accompany them.  If the cat wasn't walking, he would settle in for a nap on Steven's jeep.  (Remember this post?) I enjoyed seeing the doggies, the kitty, and VM was harmless.  (except for Rockett barking out the window each time they would walk by...)

So, last weekend, Virgin Mary moved out of her house.  We have no idea where she went.  But, she took the cat, the dogs, and she took that statue right out of the pine straw.  And, now it just looks empty over there.  It's amazing how easily I get attached to things being the way they are. 

I also wonder if male dogs lifted their leg on her, and if so, is that considered a sin?

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Sunday Night Randoms

(written during continuous rain and satellite outages)

Has anyone read, "Shades of Grey?"  I'm getting ready to read it.  The girls at work have been going nuts about it, so I'm going to give it a whirl.  I feel the blushes starting just writing that.

I want to be friends with the guys from Mythbusters.  Well, with Adam.  Jamie seems like he might be a bit uptight.

I realized that I'm usually the biggest gal wherever I go.  (work, social events)  This is a bit unsettling. I don't mind being fluffy, I just don't want to be fluffy and unhealthy.

We are regulars at the Waffle House.  That probably leads to the fluffiness. 

I'm having a love affair with dill pickles.  Of late, I can't get enough of them.  And, NO, I'm not prego.

My peri-menopause includes hot flashes, itching spells and night sweats.  I can't WAIT for the full fledged thing.   NOT.

More TV people I want to be friends with:  the Manzo family, Paula Deen, and Robin Roberts.

Robert Redford's voice is still sexy.  Who am I kidding?  Robert Redford is still sexy.

The calendar says June.  My brain says March.  March, 2003.

Best part of my weekend?  Napping during the rain today.  What was yours?

Friday, June 8, 2012

Pizza Sheningans

Pizza has been a part of my life since I can remember.

When I was younger, I can remember making the Chef Boyardee pizza with my mom.  That was the one where you had to make the dough, let it rise, and then you would add the really nasty sauce and Parmesan cheese.  Somehow, it ended up tasting really good?

At some point, this tasty little round meat was introduced to my world, and it was called pepperoni.  This became the new staple for my pizza.  You could add it to the Chef Boyardee masterpiece, or if you went out with the family, you could get it on your pizza at the restaurant.

Then this thing called "delivery" entered my life.  I have loved delivery for over thirty years now.  You can call up a total stranger and ask him to feed you.  Not only will he make your dinner, but he'll bring it to your front door.  Hello, is this heaven?  They're like the post office, they deliver in the rain, snow, heat and late hours!  The only challenging thing was making sure to have enough cash on hand.  But wait, they take checks!  Nowadays, you can order your pizza on line, pay and it's a your door before you can say EXTRA CHEESE! 

As the means of making/baking/ordering pizza has changed, so have my preferences.  When I was young, I was all over the pepperoni.  In my teens and twenties, I'd eat pepperoni and jalapenos.  After that, I went through the veggie phase, mushrooms and tomatoes please.  Of late, I'm enjoying salami and spinach on the pizza!  I love trying all sorts of different combinations, looking for that PERFECT pizza.

My oddest pizza?  When we were in England, friends made us tuna pizza.  Mayo, tuna, red onion, delish! 

What is your favorite pizza? Do you always order the same one?  What is an absolute no-no on your pizza?

Excuse me while I go find the Tums.  Burp.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Mid Week Mute

(of the music variety)

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Birthdays and Bingos

It's Sir Steven's birthday today
Happy 44
Happy Gnome wrapping paper
One bag was filled with four types of cookies
The man likes his cookies

We had dinner with the creators of Sir and their friends
The 44 year old had a plain hot dog and fries
And some Bingo
I ate boiled peanuts

In between the games, I became artistic
During the games, I had to make sure Sir's Father paid attention to his Bingo Board
Six games x Six People = No Winners

 Sir loves chess
Sir loves Manchester United
Manchester United Chess Set
What else?

That's David Beckham next to #16
I like the cheesy grin on his friend next to him

 Shiny David Beckham, circa 1999
I just realized we had no cake today
That's wrong

David  Beckham in my bed

Even the Queen took time out from the Jubilee to wish Steven a happy birthday
That gal is always waving