Tuesday, June 14, 2011

30 Year Panic Attack

In just over a week, I'll be heading to Terre Haute, Indiana, for my 30th high school reunion.  I have been looking forward to this for months.  I've re-discovered friends on Facebook, made my travel arrangements, and reviewed my yearbook endlessly.  I've talked about it to anyone who would listen.  I've made my hair and nail appointments so as to be fresh and gorgeous for the big event.

But last night, I had a moment of panic.  And for a few minutes, I decided I wasn't going to go.  You see, in 1981, I looked like this:

In case you're trying to figure it out, I'm second from the left.  And yes, I had blue eyeliner on.  I think that shirt belongs to Jenifer Elizabeth Farrington.

Anyway, that was 1981.  Today, I look more like this:

 Okay, my hair is red, and I'm probably a tad bit taller, but this is a pretty good likeness.  If that doesn't do it for you, this one might:

Okay, okay, obviously, I don't have six nipples.  Or spots.  Or ears that cover up my eyeballs.  Or four legs.  But, you get what I'm saying.  My size has changed quite considerably over the years.

As I tried on clothes last night, I had that moment where I told myself that NO WAY could I show up looking like I do.  I would just give my regrets and stay home.  This made me sad.  It made me mad at me for not taking better care of myself, in anticipation of this weekend.  I had a nice little pity party for a few minutes. 

I'm happy to say that I got over that moment.  Yeah, I wish I were thinner, had better skin, had a job that others might find interesting, etc.  But, I'm guessing the majority of alumni feel the same way.

I don't ever want my appearance, or lack thereof, to ever keep me from doing something I enjoy.  I am what I am.  I'm a big ball of fun.  And, I'm going to go to Terre Haute, honeymoon with my husband, tour that high school I've thought about for so many years, and take so many darn pictures, you'll grow tired of looking at them!  I'm not going to worry about my gut or my butt.    This gut and butt are part of me, and the journey I've been on for the past thirty years.

So watch out Terre Haute, I'm coming back!  And, oh yeah, Baby got Back. 



miscellane-ash said...

i love you, crazy lady! you are one of the funnest people to be around & you have a smile that lights up any room! you're gonna have a blast...& you won't have to "pretend" to be happy (like others may) because you have so much awesomeness around you! can't want to see pics :)

SPT said...

ju, you will be the life of the party!! i can only hope that you don't trip and roll down the sidewalk like i did at my reunion last week. i know your excitement and nervousness. i SO had it!

mel said...

Jujubee, I wish I had been in your class bcuz you would be the one I would want to party with! You are gonna have a ball!

Lots of pics, please.

sherri s. said...

Oh, silly one, no worries--as everyone has commented, your sparkling personality will light up the room! My mom is going through the same thing, only for her 55th reunion. I told her she HAS to go--may be her last chance to see some of her friends...Go, laugh, have a few beers, show off your dashing husband...and you do know that MOST of your classmates will also have gotten, um, fluffier. You're lovely just as you are! I went to my 10th, couldn't go to my 20th because 9/11 happened (the reunion was scheduled for 3 days later), and I skipped the 30th. So you're a braver girl than I!

word: rutersib

If you like rutabagas, you'll love the rutersib--it's rootin' tootin' good!

Darla said...

Judi we will have such a great time!! You just wait and see. :) Look for me; I will be the one with the short gray/blonde/brown hair and fuchsia colored dress. "Fluffier", are your friend sherri says, and my career will pail in comparison...I don't have one, and have not since Jeff and I got married. In my pity party times, I call myself a "Mom blob". It is all good! Why are we driving more than 8 hours to see each other, when we actually live only 6 from one another? :)

JuJu said...

You guys are the best. Thanks for the pick me up!

Darla, next time we are together, we aren't doing it in Indiana! :-)