Tuesday, July 17, 2012

7/P/12

Today will be forever known as July SevenPEEnth.

It is July SevenPEEnth, because PEE has been the theme of my day.

Sir and I are getting new life insurance policies, and you know they require blood and urine for underwriting purposes.  Well, I have never been good with giving up my urine.  It is always a challenge for me.

When I had to give my very first urine sample, I was about eighteen years old.  I went to the doctor and the nurse asked me for a sample.  Then she handed me THE CUP.  I acted like I knew what I was doing, but when I was in the teeny tiny bathroom, all by myself, I really had no clue what was expected of me.  Did they think I could pee in that tiny thing?  Honestly.  So, I did what I thought they wanted - I peed in the toilet and scooped out the contents with that cup they handed me.

It was only later that I discovered this wasn’t the proper procedure.   (Amazing they never said I had too much bleach in my urine....)

Well, ever since then, giving a urine sample has been intimidating for me.  I don’t care what position I take, what I wear, or how big the cup is, I always manage to pee on myself, the toilet, my drawers, the floor, my shoes and my leg.  Every.  Single.  Time.  Today was no exception.  I was Old Faithful at Yellowstone Park; or rather, Old Faithful at YellowPee Toilet.  It's just not something I've ever been able to master.

I also have a bit of a respiratory thing going on, which means I have some pretty intense coughing fits.  And, being the “maturing” woman that I am, that means that every time I cough, I lose a little bit from my bladder.

And, thus, July SevenPEEnth.  Pass the Depends!

5 comments:

sherri s. said...

Oh, Miss JuJu, you TOTALLY crack me up! I cackled out loud at this...I hate peeing in a cup, too. Things don't always go where you aim them, right? (At least for me--TMI?).

Lap Dog Knits said...

you are just too funny...

Who came up with a cup idea?
A man no doubt...they have aim.

send me an e-mail with your address and I'll hook you up with something bright for your kitchen sink bubbles

mel said...

hahaha...major hand-washing for me after cup-peeing...I usually think of my pee stream as being in a straight line to the toilet - when I think of it, that is - but at the doc's, it turns into a showerhead spray....

Robin said...

I'm sorry, but your pee story is kinda cute. I know that may sound weird, but how terrible to be in there all confused and then determine that the right approach was to scoop the pee water. Ha! And, really, what are the testing for if that pee passed the test!?

Grandma K said...

Oh how true. Now I understand your Facebook entry. It was about the only thing I could get last week.