Monday, November 8, 2010

This Safety Packaging is Killing Me (or at the very least, my manicure)

It's official.  I'm a cranky old woman.

Each morning since September, I've been drinking these Carnation Breakfast Essential drinks.  They fill me up and help keep me from snacking.  In that sense, they're awesome.

But each morning, as I'm on my way to work (with Steven driving), I battle the Safety-Gotta-Keep-The-One-Lone-Wack-Job-Who-Might-Poison-The Drink-Packaging.  And, oh is it elaborate.  First, I have to cut the packaging apart to even get access to the bottles.   Then, I have to peel down the very thin layer of plastic that is designed not to be peeled.  Since I don't want to mess up my finely manicured nails (thanks Laura) I am then forced to use my teeth.  (Yes, priorities are nice nails before healthy unchipped teeth)

All of this, just to get into a really crappy tasting diet shake?  With all the anxiety this packaging causes me it's probably better for me to eat the crappy fast food breakfast I was eating.

And then tonight, I was opening a new squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.  (Hellmann's only!)  SAME thing.  There's this cute little triangular spot that you're instructed to peel down, and then it's all supposed to come off in one motion.  That doesn't happen.  I pick, and pick, and pick, ruin a nail, and then am forced to use my teeth.  Again.  May I please point out the irony in the labeling?  EASY OUT???

What in the world am I going to do when I'm wearing dentures?  How will I open my diet shakes and my my mayo?  Or for that matter, how will I ever get my dentures attached if I can't get into my Dentu-Grip?

And while I'm at it, WHY is it so difficult to get into CD's, DVD's, potato chips (I always make a bad tear into these), cereal bags, wine bottles, minced garlic jars, sour cream cartons, and any child's toy??  The folks at the plastic factory - security idea place must laugh heartily when they think of us yahoos attempting to gain entry into any of these items.

I've got to hand it to my pharmacy though.  Without a word, they transferred me to the "adult" pill bottle.  No more push down and turn action for me.  I just twist and go!   No teeth required.  Thanks Publix!!


mel said...

Oh you are soooo funny!

I know, these packages are ridiculous, but you made it a riot!

PS - have you thought of buying a tiny manicure scissors to carry with you? I know, I know - - if you did then you would not have hysterical stories to tell, so never mind....

Love ya!

mel said...

PS - I am still chuckling....

SPT said...

Laughing here too. The cereal always kills me. My boys insist on opening it. But for them to use enough force to open it, they tear the bag half way open and then cheerios are all over the floor. ARGH.

Word: anchne
When I was a kid, i had a terrible case of anchne.

Darla said...

First of all...I love Publix!! Another difficult item to get into; the little individual drink mixes you pour into your water bottles!! I ALWAYS have to use scissors...grr!

sherri s. said...

I cannot open potato chip bags--and I LUVS me some chips!--because I fear the exploding bag situation. Chips are far too precious to waste. I have to use the scissors. What about trying to get that cotton ball out of the top of teeny tiny pill bottle openings? Whose fingers fit in there?! Oh here, I'll just use my special kitchen cotton-wool-pulling tweezers that I have handy. Argh.

I'm also rooting for Ann, but you're right, she'll never survive to the end. Chelsey is a snot, Chris is pretty but ordinary. Jane is pretty but blah. So I see Kayla getting it.

word: redabst

Redabst: the new drink from the makers of Red Bull. Drink it and your stomach will explode.

Robin said...

Oh, I miss Publix. I'm originally from Florida and miss it very much - my family is still there (what little there is left of them!) :( But, I digress: Loved your story. I'm with you. And heaven forbid you buy some electronic item that comes in one of those hard plastic cases that you have to use scissors to get into. BTW, i like the idea of having a simple drink item to make breakfast. But i had that it tastes crappy.

blespepe: Look, one of the ingredients in this breakfast drink is blespepe. Yikes!

mel said...

I am still laughing...

word: glareme

Wrapping a bright red boa around my neck makes me feel so deliciously glareme.

mel said...

Did you ever notice that if you take too long to think of a sentence with the word that it changes and you then have to type in another word?

The next time that happens I am going to go 2 for 1 - two word sentences. Oh, this will be challenging.....

Word: Hankhot

Now that its winter, I had better start carrying some hankhots with me for my sneezing fits.