Thursday, December 2, 2010

Adventures In Strange Body Parts

You know all those old wives tales about ringing ears, itchy palms, and what not, right?   These are the ones where some strange body malady leads to a reward of some kind?  Well, I have a new one to add to the book.

Today, as I was driving home from work, my left foot began itching.  It was itching on my arch.  it was itching like CRAZY on said arch.  I tried to ignore it.  I turned up the music.  We all know this method helps any type of itch.

Turning up the music turned up the intensity of the itchiness.  So, I slipped off my shoe and rubbed the bottom of my foot onto the top of my shoe. 

That's when I realized that this is one physics equation I understand:

Itch + Inability to Scratch = Total Discomfort.  (or, I + I = TD).  Or, the intensity of the itch is directly proportional to the amount of scratching you're able to complete.

I continue trying to drive and trying to scratch the itch.  I manage to remove my sock; no small feat (groan) for a driver.  I leaned over to try to get that itch, and my speed increased.  [ I could totally see me trying to explain this one to the nice officer.]

I scrape that foot on the nasty floor mat, hoping for a shard of glass, a stray nail, a razor, or a small little elf who might just end my agony.  NO luck.  The  more I scratched, the more it itched.  The music was loud, I was speeding, and one foot was sock-less.

I stayed that way until I made it into the driveway.  And, as soon as I was able to scratch away that itch, guess what?
It was gone.  Go figure.

Now, I'm just hoping that an itchy foot while driving means something really cool.  You know, like a new closet of shoes awaits me? Or, these feet will walk on magical lands.

But, realistically, it probably means I need to lather my tootsies with some lotion. 


SPT said...

Silly. Everyone knows that itchy feet mean your hot boy toy is working on a photoshop project for your hot girlfriend!

angie128 said...

The title of this post scared me...

Mary said...

I'm with Angie. I was a tad nervous knowing some of the conversations we've had over the years! Ha! I notice that I have those incredibly horribly itchy itches ALWAYS when I've been battling getting wild man to sleep and he finally falls asleep but we're in a position requiring me to move and I dare not move for fear of starting the whole process over. I remember being near tears one night because my nose itched so bad! Oh the nightmares of non-sleeping babies...


Robin said...

I love that story, especially the comment about the elf on the floor boards. Being of Sicilian heritage (and German!), we had so many superstitions. If your left hand palm itches, you're going to get some money. Right hand, you lose some. Or vice versa. Never open an umbrella in the house or put shoes on a table. And the list goes on. Love it! Thanks for resurrecting the childhood memories via your itchy foot! ;)

mosomun: We're converting to Mosomun, which means no Christmas this year! Not!

sherri s. said...

"Never lay a hat on the bed." "If you sweep the floor before breakfast, you'll have bad luck the rest of the day (I'm SAFE from this one, ha!!)." "Don't leave a rocking chair rocking (it brings death)." If you see or hear an ambulance, touch a button quickly." These are all things my Grandma used to say (and a LOT more). I find these superstitions SO fascinating!

word: dryth

Her feeth were tho dryth she couldn't thtand to wear shoesth.