Friday, December 10, 2010

Blue Light Special

If I could be a police woman for just one day, I would do the following:

1.   Ticket the Merger  Yeah, I really hate it when someone pulls into the center lane in order to merge, and keeps rolling.  And, they're not driving slow, but fully intending to drive the speed limit and pull in front of me.  I prefer they pull into the center lane, turn on their signal, and merge when traffic is clear.  Your fine?  Shovel poop at the animal shelter.

2.  Ticket the Litterer  More specifically, the cigarette butt tosser.  Nothing annoys me more than to see a smoked cigarette butt tossed onto my earth.  You don't want that in your car, but it's good enough for the land?  I don't think so.  Keep that stinky stuff in your vehicle.  Your fine?  Pick up all those butts with your teeth.

3.  Ticket Mr.Lane Weaver Changer Guy  Hey you!  You are not going to get anywhere any faster by weaving in and out of lanes.  All you're doing is causing everyone to brake when you cut them off, and creating more havoc in your wake.  You never get through the lights any faster than the cars you pass.  Your fine?  Go to the back of the line.

4.  Ticket Miss Make Up Applier  Lady, you're giving us a bad name.  Please refrain from applying your foundation, eye makeup and worst of all, mascara while on your morning commute.  There is no way you can qualify for a safe driver discount while in the midst of your beauty routine.  Take the extra 5 minutes at home and do it there.  Your fine?  A day without makeup.  Shudder.

5.  Ticket the SUPER dark tinted window dude  I hate it when I can't see inside a car.  I'm sure it's illegal in South Carolina for the windows to be THAT dark.  One of the best parts about being on the road is seeing who else is on the road.  How am I expected to maintain my nosiness with those plastic "curtains?"  Your fine?  Scraping off all the window tint on all the cars with too dark a tint.

Of course, I'd arrest all the murderers, rapists, sexual deviants and flat out meanies.  But this stuff?  This is the serious stuff folks. 


KarenSue said...

Oh boy I'm with you here! Except I might be scrapping. Sorry!

angie128 said...

I'll see if I can arrange a ride-along with the Captain.

mel said...

Woa! Remind me to mind my ps and qs when I am in SC!

sherri s. said...

Oh boy...come live in SoCal, where everyone lives in their car! I've seen the following: guy practicing saxophone while driving; someone with a laptop up in front of steering wheel; a curling iron being used on the freeway; all sorts of food being eaten, including what looked like ramen, tiny styrofoam cup and plastic spoon and all. All of these in addition to your list--oh yeah and guys shaving, too. The worst thing is always that if they cause an accident, they're never hurt but always hurt someone, right? {stepping back off of rant box}

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